Reading through the local paper the other day I found myself suddenly contracting a sudden and unexpected case of ‘Old Codger Syndrome’ which is a clinically diagnosable affliction in which sufferers will yell at the newspaper or the TV with comments prefaced by the expression, “Now, in MY day...” and concluding with, “Really, what IS the world coming to?”
To be fair, I had had a bad day and the news was particularly annoying – see the post ‘COREY IS A DICKHEAD’ – but it did get me thinking about the things that I really wish I could see in everyday life. As you can probably guess, most were related to beer, brewing, beer sales, beer brewing, beer news, boobies and other beer related matters. But some jumped seemingly out of nowhere – although the beer that I had already enjoyed may have prompted some of them.
First, it would be nice if someone could pass a law that makes it severely illegal to use the words ‘restaurant’ and ‘McDonalds’ in the same sentence. Apart from their insidious abuse of the ‘Heart Tick’ references in their ads, they just seem corporately intent on world domination. I ‘spose if more and more of the world’s population can’t see their toes or their todgers as each year goes by then this might not be as difficult as you may think. Can we please force them to change their name to “The McFat Kid Factory”, or something equally appropriate?
Beer. Yes, some of the things that annoy me are beer related. Apart from the constant media reports about dickheads doing dickhead things after disrespecting the beer, I would like to see less ‘Idea Beers’ created by marketing men who are carrying on blissfully unaware that the company they work for has a brewing division. How about doing some ACTUAL research, instead of the ‘virtual’ focus group research that tries to tell you we need more low carb beers on the market and look at the possibility of creating some real, full flavoured and a little bit ‘out there’ beers like our friends in other beer drinking lands have been enjoying for decades now.
Next, can you people who insist on using mobile phones in public please note the following;
a) The technology employed by all mobile phone manufacturers ensures that the person to whom you are speaking can hear you as if they were in the same room. You do not need to shout as if they are as far away as they really are. O.K?
b) If the person to whom you are speaking says that they will see you in anything under ten minutes – THAT IS THE END OF THE CALL!! – for f&%#s sake wait to speak to them in person. Don’t begin your ‘private’ conversation while we are all still here. We don’t care and, by not seeing your friend in person, you may miss them making a “you are a wanker” gesture.
c) Regarding your ‘private’ conversations, we REALLY DO NOT CARE who’s up who and who’s not paying so shut the f#%k up. If you could climb out of your own arse for a second and hear yourself waffle on you would realise that your life really is as dull as it sounds to us. Thank you.
More on beer. I’d really like to see the increased use of boobies in beer advertising. That’s not too much to ask, is it? I’ve already bought a shed load of your beer anyway so why not reward me, retrospectively, for the gesture? And breweries everywhere are trying to get more women to drink their product and women always seem to be talking about boobies ALL the time! In fact, all I ever hear is comments from Mrs Pilsner like; ‘Why are you always talking about BOOBIES in your blog?’ or, ‘Were you just looking at her BOOBIES?’ and ‘There’s another ad with BOOBIES in it!’ See, always bangin on about them.
As I think of more things that are designed to annoy normal, well adjusted beer drinking folk, I will post them as well. Until then, stay positive, don’t let the dickheads and the wankers get you down -smile at them and picture your next beer – and then go and have a beer.
Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner
To be fair, I had had a bad day and the news was particularly annoying – see the post ‘COREY IS A DICKHEAD’ – but it did get me thinking about the things that I really wish I could see in everyday life. As you can probably guess, most were related to beer, brewing, beer sales, beer brewing, beer news, boobies and other beer related matters. But some jumped seemingly out of nowhere – although the beer that I had already enjoyed may have prompted some of them.
First, it would be nice if someone could pass a law that makes it severely illegal to use the words ‘restaurant’ and ‘McDonalds’ in the same sentence. Apart from their insidious abuse of the ‘Heart Tick’ references in their ads, they just seem corporately intent on world domination. I ‘spose if more and more of the world’s population can’t see their toes or their todgers as each year goes by then this might not be as difficult as you may think. Can we please force them to change their name to “The McFat Kid Factory”, or something equally appropriate?
Beer. Yes, some of the things that annoy me are beer related. Apart from the constant media reports about dickheads doing dickhead things after disrespecting the beer, I would like to see less ‘Idea Beers’ created by marketing men who are carrying on blissfully unaware that the company they work for has a brewing division. How about doing some ACTUAL research, instead of the ‘virtual’ focus group research that tries to tell you we need more low carb beers on the market and look at the possibility of creating some real, full flavoured and a little bit ‘out there’ beers like our friends in other beer drinking lands have been enjoying for decades now.
Next, can you people who insist on using mobile phones in public please note the following;
a) The technology employed by all mobile phone manufacturers ensures that the person to whom you are speaking can hear you as if they were in the same room. You do not need to shout as if they are as far away as they really are. O.K?
b) If the person to whom you are speaking says that they will see you in anything under ten minutes – THAT IS THE END OF THE CALL!! – for f&%#s sake wait to speak to them in person. Don’t begin your ‘private’ conversation while we are all still here. We don’t care and, by not seeing your friend in person, you may miss them making a “you are a wanker” gesture.
c) Regarding your ‘private’ conversations, we REALLY DO NOT CARE who’s up who and who’s not paying so shut the f#%k up. If you could climb out of your own arse for a second and hear yourself waffle on you would realise that your life really is as dull as it sounds to us. Thank you.
More on beer. I’d really like to see the increased use of boobies in beer advertising. That’s not too much to ask, is it? I’ve already bought a shed load of your beer anyway so why not reward me, retrospectively, for the gesture? And breweries everywhere are trying to get more women to drink their product and women always seem to be talking about boobies ALL the time! In fact, all I ever hear is comments from Mrs Pilsner like; ‘Why are you always talking about BOOBIES in your blog?’ or, ‘Were you just looking at her BOOBIES?’ and ‘There’s another ad with BOOBIES in it!’ See, always bangin on about them.
As I think of more things that are designed to annoy normal, well adjusted beer drinking folk, I will post them as well. Until then, stay positive, don’t let the dickheads and the wankers get you down -smile at them and picture your next beer – and then go and have a beer.
Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner
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2 comments:
The technology employed by all mobile phone manufacturers ensures that the person to whom you are speaking can hear you as if they were in the same room. You do not need to shout as if they are as far away as they really are. O.K?
The technology is already there, I believe. Whether people choose to yell through their cell phones has little to do with quality of reception. People who shout into their cells are the same guys who speak loudly to blind people.
I yelled at a blind person once, but purely because he was pissing on my foot.
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