Big Helga and the Professor

As a Beer Bloke I’m often asked for an opinion on a beer. Usually it’s a guest in the restaurant or a mate at a function or even that little old lady in Dan Murphy’s who was happy to ask a stranger (I was also the only other person in the craft/imported beer section at the time) for some advice. And while I’ll never just bag a beer – I might strongly suggest an alternative – I always try to say nice things.

When there is an added incentive to say nice things – say, the offer of a very nice, badged beer glass and some free product, well, you know...you know how it is... ?
It doesn’t make any difference.

When I was approached to accept a free gift and some free pots in return for promoting a new beer I said I would be glad to help out. Anything to get more people drinking better beer and all that. I added that I didn’t really do ‘beer reviews’ and I wouldn’t say anything that I wasn’t prepared to stand behind.

At this point I wasn’t told which beer I would be spruiking, although; “A large boutique brewery client that wants to send you a 6-pack of their new, unreleased publicly Munich style Lager/Pale Ale” did lead me to suspect that a rather tall German lady might be arriving shortly in liquid form.* And don’t we all want that!

Plenty has been written and spoken about Big Helga in the beer blogosphere recently and I have to admit that I already had a soft spot for Matildas Bays’ latest garage-engineered brew, having sampled it with the brewers at the Microbrewery Showcase back in November.

She is a lovely light-golden lager who, while maybe not strictly speaking an Oktoberfest lager, certainly has the required ID that would see her easily admitted to the beer tent in Munich. There is a bit of debate about as to whether or not it has too much hop flavour to be a true Helles or not enough to be an Oktoberfest beer, but either way, she is refreshing and rewarding.

And, as it is with all good beers, it has some stories attached. I can promise you, from years of suggesting and then pouring various beers for guests, the easiest ones to sell are the ones with a story. Big Helga’s ‘heritage’ may be straight from the first chapter of the Marketing For Dummies Manual and you can take that for what it’s worth, but it has a very credible back-story concerning the lass representing the ‘original’ Big Helga at the product launch back in October.

MB Executive, Jamie Fox had found it impossible to find a model with the suitable height to carry the role until a late night tram ride revealed a possible candidate for the future Helga. Apparently half-tanked and inarguably half her size, he made the last-second decision to jump off the tram when she did and accost her in the street. The old yarn about the girl-on-the-tram and the ‘modelling agent’ could easily have played out with the pint-sized stalker gazing at the night sky from the gutter – he didn’t even have a business card on him to back his sketchy claims! Fortunately she took the chance and now Big Helga lives!

For those beerily-minded folk reading this Big Helga’s ‘stats’ are as follows;
She sits around the 20 IBU mark, giving her roughly the same bitterness as a VB or Toohey’s New and she weighs in at 4.7% ABV. For the really beer-nerdy among you, her ‘complexion’ is 12 EBC making her just a little more golden than a Helles might ordinarily be. She is bittered and flavoured with a NZ Pacifica hop in both kettle and dry form producing plenty of flavour without too much bitterness. Just what you want in a good woman.

But, to finish, she IS a little different. Brewer Scott Vincent describes her as a good lawnmower beer for the session drinkers but a beer which rewards the Thinkin’ Drinker with some inner complexity. Some tropical fruit aromas and a dry resonance makes her very palatable and a good partner to the increasingly popular older brother, Fat Yak.

Did I make you want to go out and get yourself some? Because I could do with some promo stuff and I gotta earn it first!

Cheers
Prof. Pilsner

*At the time of posting, she still hasn’t arrived in the promised six-pack form.

P.S. The pic I found on Matt's blog probably doesn't show just how tall Big Helga is - Matt is a pretty tall streak himself. Is it too late to ask if I can use your pic, Matt?

Houseboat Beers

Just before Christmas I looked after a group of young people who were keen to ‘try something different’ from the restaurants’ Beer List. The blokes were all ‘mainstream drinkers’ but had tried Little Creatures and some James Squire stuff and so were keen to extend themselves.

By the end of a fairly long night they had fallen in love with – wait for it – Kwak and Innes & Gunn. Now that’s a step up from VB and Pure Blonde! So much so, in fact, that they wanted to buy a slab of I&G from us then and there to take away. They were heading up to Mildura to spend the holidays on a houseboat on the Murray River and reckoned that a 6.2% Oak Aged Scottish beer was just the thing for lazy care-free days floating along a river and contemplating life.

They were in again last night for a 50th birthday celebration and, true to their word, they had headed out to Purvis Cellars and hooked not only a slab of Innes & Gunn but a slab of Kwak (plus glasses) as well.

So here’s the question; If you have to take slabs on a houseboat (and let’s assume there are no ‘Float-Thru Bottleshops to buy anything once you’re away) which TWO BEERS do you choose? For the purposes of the exercise let’s say you’re away for two weeks. One for each slab. Some of you may want to team up with someone else if two slabs is not enough.

Cheers
Prof. Pilsner

Some more Beer Karma

I used to do bit a fair bit of specialised chalkboard art for a number of restaurants a few years back - menu boards with caricatures and sneaky little pop culture references hidden in them – that sort of thing.

I’m too busy to keep it up as a business and I haven’t done any for a while but one old customer called me to come out and update a small board he has at a little cafe in South Melbourne and I couldn’t help but help him out.

It was a ten minute job to change a few prices and add a few items but, as often happens in real life, a nice little coincidence led to a nice little experience. The cafe owner had taken the ladder home and even though I just push six-foot, I can’t reach a chalkboard perched above a work bench and grill without feeling a little toey so we had to have a Plan B.

“Would you mind popping over the road and asking to borrow their ladder?” he asked.

‘Over the road’ just happens to be nice little inner suburban relic of Pubs in Years Past, The Maori Chief hotel. Founded in 1867 (I know that’s not old for you English pub people but it’s positively ANCIENT by our Colonial standards!) it has a front bar at the front and a side bar at the side and a nice dining room and function area as well.

It also has The Goat on tap.

I just happened to notice as I grabbed the ladder that Mountain Goat Steam Ale was on tap in the front bar and decided that a nice way to thank them for the use of the ladder would be to come back after the job was done and share some nice quality time with the Youngest Pilsner, who was along for the ride.

Can I just say how nice it was to sit at a good old fashioned bar in a good old fashioned pub sipping a good old fashioned pot of very nice beer with your youngest for company. It was all over in fifteen minutes but it was worth ten times that.

Cheers
Prof. Pilsner

Another one of those nights

Two in a week! Last night we were fortunate to have a booking of ten consisting of some local Fine Wine Department managers from one of Australia’s large liquor retailers. Fortunate for them because they got to experience the charm and atmosphere of the area’s most beautifully appointed restaurant and fortunate for us because they were each bringing along a special bottle from their own private cellars.

How is that fortunate for us when it means we lose out on drink sales? Because the trade-off was that we would get to share each wine with them in return for us selecting several small courses to match to each ‘mystery bottle’. How was that fortunate for me when I am very much a Beer Bloke and not a Wine Wanker?

Well, while I do enjoy the odd lager, ale or assorted other, I can also appreciate other forms of imbibing fluid when it is a good representation of the style or when it’s matched to food or even when it’s just something special. That’s the kind of guy I am.

But last night gave me a new insight into something I might have been taking for granted. These guys and girls were really passionate, not just about how old or rare or special the wine was but also about sharing an interest, getting together and having an experience. And, as an ‘outsider’ I really enjoyed watching the interaction, the camaraderie and the slow but inevitable effect of a table of people and ten bottles of wine!

I guess that my passion for beer is seen by others in the same way that I saw theirs. At Beer Dinners and Ale Stars meetings and Spectapulars and Microbrewery Showcases and just at a simple table at home with a mate or two, sharing a beer and a bit of bullshit is what life is really all about the other stuff can either wait, or get stuffed!

Cheers
Prof. Pilsner

The People you Meet

Last night was ‘one of those nights’. A nice warm evening, a full restaurant and fridges full of beer. But it was also the night after the full moon which, for restaurant managers and owners is a bit like ‘Forrest Gump chocolates’ – you never know what you’re gonna git.

As it turned out, not only did we have plenty of lovely guests, pour plenty of lovely beer and make plenty of lovely money, we also got to make some new friendships. Every now and then it happens – you just meet people who not only GET what it is that you’re doing, but they are more than happy to let you know how they feel. For all the hard work it takes to run a good place well, it’s nice to hear it every now and then.

Glenn and Cara are regulars at the restaurant and last night they brought James and Alison (over from England on holidays) for a dining treat. From the extensive beer list, to the revelation that we had another twenty or so beers ‘off-list’ in the cellar to the chef/owner regaling them with his awful English accent and the excellent meals, I think they had a ball.

As the intention was to try as many Australian beers as he could while he was over here, I promised James I would post a bit of a list of ‘must try’ craft beers. They are in Melbourne until Wednesday and then in Sydney for four days until flying home so I will list as many pints and paces as I can think of quickly. I’m sure my readers will use the comments section to fill in any gaps that I leave. Here goes.

Places.

You absolutely, positively, beer-a-tastically have to get out to St Kilda East to The Local Taphouse for a quiet ale/lager/wheat beer/specialty brew or four. See the link on the right hand side of the blog for their details. If you have time, a trip out to Coldstream Brewery will cover off your fresh beer, cider and Morris dancing requirements and they serve a decent meal as well. If you find yourself closer to the city, pop into Beer Deluxe and ask for Barney. He’ll hook you up with some really nice craft beers and the atmosphere there is great. Transport (on the other side of Federation Square) is also worth a look for the range alone.

Pints.

Mountain Goat (Richmond – but probably not in the time-frame) or Bridge Road Brewers (they had the Chestnut Lager last night) will give you a great taste of the Australian take on craft beer while any of the Holgate’s offerings will reveal an Australian take on some English classics. It’s really hard to recommend any without leaving out as many as I can include but judging by what you liked last night, you won’t go wrong with Red Hill (Wheat or Golden ale), Matilda Bay Redback, Fat Yak or Bohemian Pilsner and Hawthorn or Kooinda Pale Ales.

I might leave the list there as, even though James is ex-Navy and showed a fair beer-capacity I don’t want to turn the list into a dare!

Hope this helps.

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

Australia Day Wrap

So, how was your Australia Day?



Mine was lovely.



Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

Beer Blokes and Community Service

Over the last four years this blog, while sticking to its original objectives, has changed. In some cases this has been the result of new knowledge or work and family challenges or just because I have matured a bit along the way (?!)
While I have always tried to steer away from doing beer reviews, as such, I have always been a voice for emerging trends, beer culture shifts and a bit of historical highlight and light-hearted entertainment. Beer Blokes now moves to provide a new Community Service.
You see, the ‘other half’, the ‘silent partner’ the ‘mystery man’ – Dr Lager (who? I hear you mutter) has moved on. To Sydney. He and the Lager family have upped stumps and settled into The Emerald City for at least the next few years. We have known each other since under-5s basketball and started home brewing together four years back and our kids have grown up together and all that sort of stuff.
So Beer Blokes is now charged with the responsibility of providing the Lagers – and Mrs Lager in particular – with up to date beer news and family snippets as she adjusts to a new city, new schools and new challenges while Dr Lager swans around the state being a high-powered in-charge-of-lots-of-things kind of bloke.
In return, I’m sure Mrs Lager will keep me informed of beer trends and any pressing issues that need addressing. For example, in her last e-mail, she mentioned the number of backpackers wandering Bondi Beach with long necks of Foster’s Lager. I mean, where the f@#% are they even getting them from?!?
In another piece of news, she also informed me that the family was asked to move from the beach by lifeguards who informed them that they had camped on some broken glass. They removed the towel to find Coronas. So now we know where that crop comes from as well.
More soon. And, Tim, I expect you to come up with some ‘places of interest’ around your home town to share with the Dr and his clan. As a hint, his ‘places of interest’ usually serve beer in some form or another.
Cheers

the Country Pub

I got a call from Big Kelv (a St Kilda Ale Star) while he was on holiday up near Albury on the NSW/Victorian border asking for some help.
Mum was cooking up some corned silverside and wanted to ‘up the flavour’ a bit with some beer and, between us we were able to get some James Squire Amber Ale into the mix and, by all reports, it came out OK.

I then got a message that he was off to his ‘old local’ in the mountains, the Koetong Pub. He described it beautifully – “where the beer is still at genuine 1972 prices and the pool table is 20 cents.” I have only been to a handful of country pubs and it’s nice to think that there are still some that maintain those elements of ye olde Pub charm.

The Koetong Pub was built back in 1883 as a coach house and rest-stop along what is now the Snowy Valleys Way – a nice drive comprising a nice lazy arc that runs from Beechworth in North-East Victoria to Gundagai in New South Wales and manages to shoe-horn 45 pubs into a drive that might take no more than a few hours.

The Koetong has been given the title of ‘the highest hotel in Victoria’ but what really caught my eye was Kelv’s description of the pool table rules. “20 cents a game – payable at the bar because the coin mechanism broke about fifteen years ago!”
The only question I have regards the whole Pub Pool general Rules of Play. Just as in the song ‘In A City, Girl’ by weddings, Parties Anything, how can you play pub pool if you can’t;
“Put your money on the table and
Put your name up on the board.”?

Here’s cheers to the best of the best Australian country pubs,
Prof. Pilsner

...and for those interested, the Koetong Pub is up for sale. Pool table included.

Australia’s Favourite Beer

It’s Australia Day and the papers are full of the usual blab about “change the flag”, “the national Anthem stinks”, and “has anybody heard of the bloke they named Australian of the year?”

Here at Beer Blokes I want to talk about much more pressing issues. I’m all very excited to see which Aussie beers score a mention in The Local Taphouse Top 100 craft beer poll this year (announced later today) and even more excited to see if any of my nominations rate in the top 10 and even, even more excited to see if my entry is the one randomly chosen to score a slab of each of the top 5.
But let’s talk about Australia’s favourite beer, VB, for a minute, shall we? What’s that, Prof, I hear you say, ‘have you gone mad or something and forsaken your craft beer roots?’ Well, no, thanks for asking, I’ll explain in a minute.

Up until the last few years (and for about twenty years before that) VB – the artist formerly known as Victoria Bitter – has made up around a quarter of all beer drunk in this wide, brown land. 1 in 4. That’s a fair chunk of a pretty large market and has seen VB become an iconic brand intrinsically linked to the culture through sporting sponsorships and plenty of advertising. When CUB was trying to drive Foster’s Lager back in the early 80’s it made it an international beer while VB became, arguably, Australia’s first truly ‘national brand’.

So, as I wrote late last year, it was amusing to see the furore created by some seemingly minor changes to this much loved brew among its biggest and most loyal fans. ‘Career VB Drinkers’ as they called themselves were falling over each other to have a crack at the Big House for daring to tinker with their cherished amber nectar. Letters to the editor pages were packed with Johnnos, Blueys, Knackers’s and Shags’s willing to renounce their ‘religion’ and threaten to switch brands because CUB had ‘changed the recipe’, ‘watered it down’ and even ‘switched the beer to XXXX’ as one melon-head claimed.

So, with a little research (very, very little) and a quick e-mail to (SOURCE PROTECTED) who was once a major powerbroker for CUB, then its Craft Brewing arm and now a partner in a very nice craft brewing set-up just south of the Queensland border where lots of backpackers and hippies hang out and whose initials are JC and whose name I won’t mention – I got about three full pages of facts and figures and links to the ATO website and tables and graphs and all sorts of shit. So I’m fairly confident that what I write here is accurate and factual and can’t be argued with in any way at all whatsoever so there.

I’ll save some space here and ‘dot-point’ the facts (which (SOURCE PROTECTED) assures me are all in the public domain if you know where to look) relating to VB.
As a quick refresher, ‘Career VB Drinkers’ claimed that VB had changed noticeably due to (a) CUB trying to save money in tax by lowering the ABV of the beer, (b) By brewing it in Queensland and (c) by altering the recipe.

The VB facts.
• VB, along with many national brands are brewed in breweries all around the country and have been since the walls came down on state based brewing in the mid 80’s.

• The law regarding beer brewing states that a beer has a ‘margin’ of +/- .02% so that a VB whose label states an ABV of 4.9% might be as high as 5.1% or as low as 4.7% - allowable by law. When VB changed first to 4.8% and then to 4.6% more recently, the Career VB Drinker could have been drinking anything from 5.0% to 4.4% - and NOT NOTICED. Until he read a paper past the sports section.

• When CUB drops the ABV by just .01%, it saves tens of millions of dollars in tax allowing it to compete in the beery duopoly that is Australian mainstream brewing.

So, in conclusion, a ‘Career VB Drinker could, for the last twenty years have been drinking VB that was;
• Brewed in Abbotsford, Kent (Sydney), Fortitude Valley (Brisbane), Yatala, Matilda Bay or even Cascade. Although today it is only brewed at Abbotsford and Yatala.

• Could have been anything from 5.1% to 4.4% ABV

• May have had any of about ten slightly different labels


I’ll leave it here for now so that you can digest all these facts and figures. I’m off to have a beer (not a VB) and you might want to do the same.
I will post a follow up with the various reasons for the changes that CUB has introduced and also to look at the various theories regarding why they have done it and what the future might hold. Also, as promised, I have some VBs in the fridge waiting for the lab experiment to see if I can detect any difference in taste.

Cheers and happy Australia Day,
Prof. Pilsner

Australia Day 2010

As we emerge unscathed from the festive season and the New Year it’s perhaps a good time to look at our place as a nation in the Beer World.
I’m particularly keen to do a bit of navel gazing at our national drink as it seems that, with one thing and another, I have spent most of January drinking American Pale Ales both imported and locally brewed. I don’t mean that to sound as though I’ve been sitting curled up in a dark room drinking for three and a half weeks, I just mean that most of what I have drunk has been APAs.
Tomorrow is Australia Day and it seems that recently many have developed the habit of using the day as a soapbox to tell anyone who’ll listen what is wrong with the joint rather than grasping the opportunity to celebrate all the good shit we have.
I’m going to stick true and use this opportunity to sing the praises of ‘The Amber Nectar’.
I am hosting another Beer Dinner at the end of February and so have been looking for the theme and the beers to match it. We were going to host the dinner just before Australia Day but with the ‘extended long weekend’ seeing plenty of folk taking the last chance to get away before the weather turns, we put it off. I was thrilled to realise just how many craft beers I can choose from to create a truly Australian theme.
In the last month I have had the pleasure of tasting beers from Sierra Nevada and Anchor Brewing and, while they have finally been crossed off the Prof’s wish list (crossed off – not ticked off) they have also made me focus on just how Australian beers differ from their more widely respected neighbours.
I’ve also recently had the pleasure of meeting with some of Australia’s finest craft brewers and have learned that although many of them were initially inspired by some of the iconic brews from the USA, they have a bold determination to break the mold and create something different without straying from the essence of the style. And, when you think about it, apart from the kangaroo, the emu, the platypus and a few other native species, most of what we call Australian has its origins in nearly every other far flung corner of the globe, so while we may not have our own ‘true-blue’ beer style, we can certainly lay claim to having some of the most dedicated and talented brewers.
So that’s how I’ll spend my Australia Day. Celebrating Australian beer.
Oh, and being thankful to my friend who came back from the new supermarket warehouse thingy with some Vegemite for me.
Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner