Friday, May 18, 2007

Beer Myths

When you scan through the Frequently Asked Question section of any homebrew website – as I’m sure you often do – you find the same questions appearing again and again. It seems that there are some common misconceptions around when it comes to brewing and beer drinking in general. As such, I am taking it upon myself to create a forum in which all those curly questions are answered called; That’s Just Bullshit, Isn’t It?

Q. You can’t brew beer without sugar.
A. That’s not a question. But beer can be brewed without common forms of sugar like sucrose, dextrose and maltose. The Germans have been brewing with nothing but malt since God’s dog was a pup and their beers are generally regarded as pretty fair. Sugars are often used in conjunction with malt to lighten the body and the cost of the beer. Some commercial brewers are proud of this.

Q. You shouldn’t wash your beer glasses with detergent.
A. Again, this is a statement, not a question. It is a long held falsehood that beer glasses should not come into contact with detergents as they break down the head and leave the beer soapy. We have English Ales for that. Just kidding. You need to wash glasses with detergent to remove traces of hop oils and head scum but you must ensure that you rinse all trace of the detergent with first warm and then cold water before drying with a clean towel.

Q. Carlton Cold is labelled just like beer. Why?
A. I don’t know.

Q. Is there really a difference in taste between stubbies and cans?
A. Yes. Stubbies are made from glass not aluminium and are therefore harder to chew. But beer from stubby or can is the same as long as you pour it out into a clean glass first.

Q. I drink a popular brand of beer and yet I can’t get a root. Why?
A. It might be because you have been tricked by beer marketing men into thinking that by drinking their beer you can negate the effects of a bogan attitude to women and poor hygiene. It may also be because you’re ugly and your mum dresses you funny.

Q. What are the names of the blokes in the XXXX advert and what really is the story with them? You know what I mean.
A. I do know what you mean. The men you speak of are Macca, PJ, Harry and Jacko. They could just as easily have been Puddin’ Head, Bluey, Knackers and Shags. And yes, I do think it odd that these guys seem to have spent a greater deal of time holidaying than their combined earning potential would suggest they could with no other company than a slobbering dog and a machine that vibrates, launches toys and shoots video. Even to a Queenslander, this must seem just a little odd.

Q. Will you consider doing another of these Q & A’s?
A. Yes, yes I will.

Stay tuned. Prof. Pilsner

Please feel free to submit any real questions you may have. It will be a good chance to interact with the Beer Blokes and will stop me from taking the opportunity to simply amuse myself.

4 comments:

A friend of Adrian Rickarby's said...

Why the hell when I drink 6 beers do I feel like a bloated pig, and yet I can down 24 Jack Daniels stubbies and still want more. I want to enjoy more beer, but my tum tum doesnt allow it.

Beer Bloke said...

A very good question, friend of AR.
It is possible that the higher alcohol content of the JD cans is deadenning the pain and consquence receptors in your brain. It could be that the residual sugars in beer are causing a reaction in the lining of the gut. It could just be that the beer you drink is not best suited to your metabolism - try a craft brew like Mountain Goat or Holgates or Red Hill - no preservatives and all natural ingredients. It could be that I'm making all this up Bob, I mean Friend of AR, just like you are making up how much JD you can put away. Shame on you.
Prof. Pilsner

The Crazy Unicorn said...

Dear Professor,

I seek your guidance on a serious matter involving a green beer.

My husband has a stash of Cooper's Pale Ale's in the beer fridge for those occasions where he believes that the Cooper's green will pique his thirst.

When I take these green beers from the beer fridge, should i roll them before opening or just rip the caps off and leave the sediment floating in the bottom?

Zak said...

Ok why do all my brews taste really malty and "homebrew-like"? I used white sugar for the secondary priming.. Is it anything to do with that? I just dont find my beers as refreshing as I want them.