Monday, March 10, 2008

The Beer the Media and the Bullshit – Part Two


Another piece of national news caught my eye, and my ire, during recently. It is a very sad story and I mean absolutely no disrespect to those involved nor do I mean, in any way, to make light of any persons situation but it seems indicative of the general ills that pervade our modern society and it is also, sadly, beer related.

The incident involves two women 20 and 23 years old who were sharing the dance floor in a club in Wollongong when they bumped into each other. I will use the magic word ‘allegedly’ at this point – feel free to insert it as required for the remainder of this paragraph. They began to argue; as you do, words were exchanged; as they are and then one of them smashed the other in the face with a glass. Now, this is not an original sin. Sadly, dickheads and dickheadettes have been reacting unthinkingly and showing poor judgement since God’s dog was a pup and they will probably continue to do so in the future.

What got me going was the headline and the gist of the article.


“A woman ‘glassed’ to the face and now blind in one eye has demanded
that pubs and clubs be forced to use toughened plastic cups.” “I want them
to take all glass out of pubs .. so that this doesn’t happen to anyone else.”
” I have lost my sight for the rest of my life over what? Just from going out
one night for a couple of drinks with friends.”

As sad and needless as this incident is, it really beggars belief that a newspaper would report such illogical and unnecessary proposals, delivered as they are, by someone who is clearly the victim of a traumatic and upsetting event. I have to assume that it is too soon and too close for her to think clearly. Again I apportion no blame, nor do I pretend to know what either party is going through, but I can’t see the point in playing the Ban Game either. Let’s ban billiard balls – she could have been sconed with one of them if the glasses had been plastic. Let’s ban selling anything in a bottle or a stubby, and then let’s get rid of bar stools – people have been beaned by furniture in pubs for eons. And don’t forget to remove all the ashtrays, mobile phones and car keys that could take an eye out.

And you can even take out an eye with a fist – or your finger – so let’s have them amputated and left at the door.

Or just get rid of dickheads instead.

And here is a tip for anyone who is out there enjoying a quiet ale or a few noisy lagers in a pub or club. Savour the taste of the beer in your glass and think about how sad it would be if we had to drink from plastic cups. It’s bad enough that we have to do this to an innocent beer at sporting events – and you rarely have major danger there, but to ban glass in bars is like banning cars from the road. It is not the nature of a car, or a glass, to harm anyone. It is not in the nature of a gun to kill or maim the innocent. It is however the person with the car or the gun or the glass who can control their actions.

And for those of us watching on with a cold beer in a clean glass; let’s hope that the next time someone starts to warm up a stink, the others in the vicinity might just walk away and let them rant, let them swear and carry on like a two bob watch and find somewhere else to stand. By the bar or next to a bouncer might work. Although I don’t think bouncers serve cold beer.

The article appeared in the Melbourne Herald Sun on Friday November 9, 2007 on page 23.

Stay safe out there and do what we all can to discourage ‘dickheadedness’ in our pubs, bars and clubs.

Prof. Pilsner
P.S. Are drunk chicks even really funny at all? Well, I guess they can be.

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