Monday, June 23, 2008

I have a confession to make.

My Name is Professor Pilsner ...

And I am a binge drinker.

Well, I’m NOT REALLY. I like to enjoy the experience of a nice cold lager and I certainly like to savour the taste and flavour and aroma of a well crafted ale. I spend a little extra, most times, to be able to drink something a bit special and yet at other times I like to spend bugger-all and brew up 23 litres of homebrew for about 20 cents a stubby.

I usually have a beer or two as I prepare the family meal and then, depending on the meal, I will select a matching ale or lager to have at the dinner table. Most nights, when the little Pilsners are tucked into bed I will sit down with Mrs Pilsner and sip a nice rich amber ale or maybe a porter or a sparkling ale before popping off to stack some zeds.

Which makes me a binge drinker.

So says the government. You see, at no small expense to the taxpayer, our eminent federal leaders have seen fit to throw massive amounts of OUR cash towards combating the scourge of modern society; binge drinking. And, in conjunction with this, some pin heads in lab coats clutching clipboards and nodding to each other in an authoritative manner have decided that we MUST decide upon a number of mid-sized beers that will constitute a “binge”. Having added together the total number of girlfriends that these poindexters have had in their entire lives, they were able to settle on the number four and this, they have declared, is the magic number. Drink four beers and you are engaging in a binge.

Now, call me old fashioned but I always thought that binge drinking was a frenetic and continuous kind of irresponsibility perpetrated by knob-ends and dickheads who don’t respect the beer or who don’t have enough self control to slow down and enjoy a night out or who are unable to realise that they are drinking too much or too quickly. Apparently this definition was far too difficult to communicate effectively, let alone fit onto a flash card, so they just settled on “four beers”. Knobs.

See you all at the next big “binge”; dinner at my place tonight.

Cheers,Prof. Pilsner

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

wow this is ridiculous! are you really that narrow minded or is that just a consequence of your every night beer drinking? Did you just seriously complain about the government doing something against binge drinking? this drinking pattern is responsible for hundreds of thousands of teenagers destroying themselves, getting hurt or worse. so many kids have died because of drinking too much. and now you come along and make jokes about it. do you realize that they only establish certain guidelines for definitions in order to be able to survery people.there has to be a limit at some point. the key characteristic of binge drinking is drinking to get drunk. now if you do not intend to get drunk with your four beers that you have every night, good for you. but just the fact that you can hold four beers without feeling an effect makes you an alcoholic. think before you write!