Monday, October 27, 2008

Well, what is it then?

Sometimes I happen across something that just makes me smile, reach for a beer and ask myself, “what the flagon were they thinking?”

This little piece caught my eye and felt I just had to share it with you all.

For those who don’t know, Australia is a fairly dry country – and we’re not talkin’ no beer – I mean dry as in ‘arid’, ‘parched’, ‘overall lacking in significant amounts of H2O’. In fact, the driest continent on the planet. And for the past 17 years we have been in the official grip of drought. I don’t know exactly how an officially declared drought is calculated but the mere fact that we have unable to water gardens, wash cars or playfully turn the hose on the kids since I can’t remember when leads me to think that those in smart blokes in white lab coats know what they are doing.

And to be honest, whilst a drought is a devastating event and the cause of much economic and social damage, it is not enough to crush the famous Aussie spirit. A farmer is just as likely to turn to his visitor from the city and laconically muse that; ‘Oh, things should probably turn around soon’, as he walks out the farmhouse door to put down a hundred head of stock. It is just something that he has had to live with all his life. And his father and grandfather before that. You learn to take the good with the bad.

So what the hell are these arse-clowns at the Drought Policy Review Expert Social Panel wasting their time and our taxes doing? Well, apart from heading up the department that wins the award for The Stupidestly Named Government Or Government Funded Organisation, these oxygen thieves have sat down and put their collective brain cell to work to come up with the solution to he drought. Don’t call it a drought. Simple. Prolem solved, crisis averted, let’s go to lunch.

“Words like drought have negative connotations for farm families”, say these ostrich-headed bureaucrats as they single handedly broke the drought. “The word drought is making farmers feel bad and (we) want people to use the word ‘dryness’ instead”. I shit you not. Do these Bevans live in the real world or are they just on a brief stop over before returning to Noddyland? The word drought is not making farmers ‘sad’ – the absence of rain and the loss of their stock, crops and family business is ‘pissing them off severely’ you dumb flogs!!! And just because we don’t say it, that don’t stop it! I bet you also hide from the boss by covering your eyes with your hands?!?

So next time I raise a beer, I shall make an effort to appreciate the water that has gone into making it and I will raise a little prayer, along with my glass, to the farmers who are sticking it out, doing it tough and not pissing and moaning about it. And as to the pen pushing, micro-intelligent, bottom feeders at the Drought Policy Review Expert Social Panel And Department For Counting Farts, I say this;

‘Please go and very roughly deposit your own ‘not a bottoms’ up into your own ‘not a heads’.

Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m off to grab a drink. I am feeling a dry coming on and I am feeling in a state of decided ‘unbeeredlyness’.

Prof. Pilsner

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