Tuesday, August 5, 2008

New ‘Magic Pissed Idiot Detectors’ introduced

The Victorian State government has been busy lately in its quest to rid the streets of booze-fuelled mayhem. You may recall my post outlining the marvellous 2am lockout program which was designed to avoid the real social problems of irresponsible drinking by drafting a set of ridiculous guidelines which venues were generally exempt from following if they asked nicely not to. Well, the booze boffins have come up with an even better system to reduce the chances of drunks getting up to mischief.

Details are sketchy at this stage but it seems that some sort of ‘pissed idiot’ detector has been developed. The news story this morning reports that police “will be given the power to ban drunks ... from nightclub districts for up to one year under new tough-on-crime laws”. Now, it’s fairly simple to detect seriously pissed idiot from a distance, but how do you then ‘re-detect’ him or her over the next twelve months? Why, with some kind of hi-tech PI detector!

“To control unruly party-goers or law breakers ... Director of Liquor Licensing ... can declare that individuals be subject to bans of between 24 hours and a year”. So, we are going to see either a wall of police and security permanently positioned around the ‘nightclub districts’ in three regional areas and three inner suburban areas or, police will have access to detectors of some kind to determine the identity of previous offenders once they are caught.

Would’ve thought a good old fashioned ‘talking to’ by a burly walloper in blue would achieve better results much more efficiently and economically. A seasoned copper can spot trouble a mile off and a good seasoned copper can deflect trouble with a stern glare or a stern word or a stern phone-booking ... oops, we don’t go there no more, but, you get the drift? Most idiots play up because there is no apparent disincentive and no clear visible presence of punishment.

Instead of investing in Pissed Idiot Detection Technology let’s just get on with some community protection from the people we USED to entrust this job to. Until the do-gooding civil libertarians and incompetent government ministers took over the joint.

Prof. Pilsner

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