Answers for Aaron

I met another beer guy in the restaurant on the weekend and he had an enquiry about a Mexican beer called Mexican Bohemia. I hadn’t heard of it and so I promised that I would set my dogs on to it and chase down the details. More than that, I promised that I would get word out to my American blog mates and see if I could get the REAL scoop on this brew. Isn’t the internet thingy great!?!

The source and supplier websites all talk about what a highly sought after and multi-award winning beer Mexican Bohemia is and I never expected anything other than that and so we shall move on. A few beer blogger sites have some glowing remarks to recommend it and others tell me which beers they prefer to this one.

All the comments seem to suggest that the beers best feature is its ‘European-ness’ and the fact that it has been around for a hundred years. Apparently imported into Australia since at least January 08, it has been available only in Mexican restaurants and occasionally through some retailers. I imagine most have steered clear due to the saturation of the Mex beer market by Corona and Sol and, more recently, by Dos Equis.

So the cry for help goes out to my North American bretheren – and any Mexicans who may have stumbled across the worldwide beery phenomenon that is Beer Blokes. What is the true story of his fabled brew? Who drinks it and when?

Thanks for your interest, Aaron. The beer world is getting smaller and smaller and the answers should come in shortly. Otherwise we’ll both have to go with company line that it is a truly international standard Pilsner style but ‘rich in hops and corn’ and ‘a delight to drink’.

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

November Wrap Up

As we all race irreversibly into December and the ‘silly season’ I am taking the opportunity to recap a few important bits and pieces arising from the last month or so.

Movember is drawing to a close (as is both Mo-Vembeer and the more conventional incarnation of November) and I am in the process of finalising my donation total to the cause. Any charity that can encourage blokes to get off their arses and see a doctor is worth supporting. Even though getting off your arse and seeing a doctor might mean the doctor getting off his arse and inspecting yours. Plus, it beats the hell out of dying early.

I managed to squeeze a few new beers into the Mo-vembeer framework this year and have calculated the amount I’ve spent on them to determine the final tally to donate. You really should try it, it’s fun, you get to choose and drink nice beers and you help out your fellow bloke. I’ll list all the Mobeers once I’ve finished drinking them all.

November also saw the Beer Blokes third anniversary. We began this rubbish in November back in 2006 as a result of our syndicate win in the Melbourne Cup Carnival that year. And, while Dr Lager has been busier and busier with family and work, he still drinks plenty of beer so he’s still a Beer Bloke. Plus he helps me out with the technical side of things when I try to break the Internet.

Work commitments also meant that the Pilsner and Lager families were unable to share a holiday this year and I have to say that while the beers still tasted great, it’s not the same being on holidays and being the only beer drinker.

We’ve been fortunate enough to have been able to help out our fellow beer drinkers by answering their various beer related queries, settle their bets for them and probably start a few arguments as well. We have promoted beer related competitions and events as they crop up around the web and we have done our best to advertise the highlights that Melbourne’s local beer scene has to offer. I do appreciate the comments we get and share with blokes and other beer bloggers and hopefully we can continue to provide/research/make up all the facts and stats and stories you could ever need.

I will now raise a frothy glass to you all to toast the end of the month and wish you all well going into the Christmas Season. I can tell you, from experience, that Christmas and kids just makes the beer taste even better.

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

Farcebook strikes back

I don’t do Facebook. Never have. I don’t have anything against people who do, it’s just not me. I would just rather drink with real friends than count pretend ones. I’m possibly just outside the age demographic that really ‘gets it’ and finds it rewarding.

I work in restaurants. Have for a while. Love the trade, love the people factor and the banter and the pace and the vibe and all those things that set the hospitality industry aside from so many other careers. About the worst thing you can do to really piss me off is to D&D – dine and dash – ‘do a runner’, ‘bail on the bill’, basically break the law by ordering and eating and drinking and then committing common theft by not paying the bill. That really pisses me off. It’s hard enough to make a dollar at the best of times without dirty toe rags scarpering on you.

So it tickled me a bit to hear the story of the Southgate restaurant which had this disrespect visited upon them recently. A group of five young diners requested a table for dinner after a few drinks at the bar. They ordered confidently from the menu, drank fine wines and, after dessert popped out for a smoke from which none of them returned. They left a bitter taste in the mouth of the owner. They also left a bill for $520. They also left a clue. Dickheads.

When the group arrived, the boss recalled a conversation between one of the soon-to-be-bill dodgers and a staff member concerning a staff member not on duty that night. The dickhead left his name for the waiter. The owner fired up the laptop and entered the name into Facebook and there was the little scrote, pictured with his girlfriend, a fellow scrota-ette and member of the dine and dash party! The Facebook page also listed his place of employment – a neighbouring Southgate restaurant. Not just a filthy disrespectful tea-leaf, but thieving from his own ‘family’!!! How very dare he!!

The owner popped into his neighbours place and related the story. The fellow business owner returned to the scene of the crime within hours with the head dickhead in tow. The now less-than-smug bloke paid the bill in full plus a generous tip. Then he left and then his boss gave him the arse. Nice work, and quick, too!

Interesting to see if he updates his Facebook page to include this story.

I still don’t like Facebook.

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

Metro or Retro?

Once upon a time there were blokes. Just blokes. They all went out to work and earned the wage for the upkeep of their family, which tended to consist of a woman for a wife and a couple of kids who looked pretty much like one or both parents. They enjoyed sport and they drank beer. Occasionally they went off to war to fight for their freedoms and sometimes they fixed the car on the weekend after mowing the lawn. They were pretty easy to spot and they all looked and sounded kinda the same.

It’s all different now.

Not only can being a bloke mean many different things, but what defines being a bloke is ever changing as well. It is harder to ‘spot’ a bloke in a crowd. They can all be blokes but look completely different. And to confuse things even further, blokes have different ‘tags’ by which they can be identified. And I don’t mean the ‘tags’ on their beers, though this can often be a good method for spotting real beer drinkers as well as posers, poindexters and poofters.

One day we discovered that there was a thing known as a ‘Metrosexual’. I think some of them used to be blokes and some of them still are blokes but don’t want to look like blokes. But they are still blokes. They tend to want to come across as strong and manly but use make-up and stuff. They call it ‘cleanser’ and ‘toner’ and ‘moisturiser’, but it’s make-up. They also exfoliate, apparently. I don’t know what that is, but I think it’s something much more poofy than just shaving. They drink beer, but only just. They sip Coronas and Miller Chill and cheap beer with lemon disinfectant in it. Mostly, though, they drink white wine with names that are easy to say in a poncy voice like “Pee-Noh Greee” and “Sor-ving-nyon Blonk”or “Mos-Kartoh”. They are fairly easy to spot because they either look like David Beckham or Ian Thorpe or they are David Beckham and Ian Thorpe.

But today we are seeing a return to the more traditional bloke here in Australia. While some of the weaker ones have strayed from the flock and toyed with ‘product’ and ‘shopping’, most blokes stayed true and kept the faith. He wants kids but spends too much time talking to women friends about Global Warming and carbon footprints instead of keeping the conversation simple and to the point – “How about a root?” Real women like real men. Plus, the girls discovered that while it was cool for a while to hang out with metrosexuals, it’s no good when they use more make-up than them and have bigger purses. Yes, boys, they are purses, not guy-satchels or man-bags.

Welcome the Age of the Retrosexual. He hates shopping and buys clothes when his wife drags him suffering to the shops. He cooks meat on the BBQ with flame and smoke and doesn’t make his mates remove their shoes before they come inside. He likes whatever it is that he is wearing because it is comfortable. His toothbrush and razor occupy a small piece of real estate in the vanity cupboard. He spends time with his kids or with women with whom he has a chance of practising to make kids. He doesn’t mind having his mates take the piss out of him for his choice of music or the car he drives and he gives as good as he gets. It’s all fun and we’re all mates.

David Beckham thought he could make the men of the world think that wearing a sarong was cool. He was wrong. ‘Tool’, not cool.

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

Beer-trothal

I had a comment posted a week back seeking counsel on an important and delicate issue;

Dear Professor,

I’m getting married next month and I must choose between having Beck’s or James Boag’s Premium as the wedding beer.

Any thoughts?

Thank You, Jason the Architect.

Jason is both blessed and cursed in the same way that many of his predecessors were sublimely oblivious. Going back ten and twenty years when most of our crew were getting hitched, not only were we not given a choice but we didn’t realise that there was a choice. Well, apart from one.

At a wedding you had VB as the table beer in 750ml longnecks and the bridal party had Crown Lagers – sorry, Crownies – during the photo session and in the back room while the guests were being seated. We never drank anything much other than VB and that was just the way it was.

Today the bride and groom are more likely to be offered a choice but for many the choice will be ‘Boring Mainstream Lager A’ or ‘Boring Mainstream Lager B’ or, in Jason’s case ‘Mainstream Lager A’ or ‘Mainstream Lager But Imported A’.

It got me to thinking about what factors come into play when choosing a beer and what that choice says about you and and how you feel about your guests. I suggested to Jason that careful consideration needed to be given as to what your choice of beer says to your guests about what you think of them. So many guests today will be armed with the knowledge that there is more to beer than standard golden mainstream lagers and who know that there is not really a difference between Carlton Draught and Toohey’s New other than the state of origin.

The reality is that most guests will not see a mainstream beer on their table as a slight by you, but that would not have made for a very interesting post, so let’s just pretend that they will all assume that they have offended your family name if they were to be served Carlton Cold. By the way, please, please, please don’t serve Carlton Cold. Even as a joke.

So what does Beck’s ‘say’ to your guests and what is Mr Boag’s reply? The import probably hints at certain perceived levels of quality. Plus, every man and his dog have seen their series of TV advertisements on high rotation lately and will at least know the brand, unlike the wedding guests of a decade back. (That’s a rather sad realisation isn’t it?)

The Beck’s beer with its precision German engineering and inoffensive profile suggests that; “Your company on our special day is thought of highly, we value your friendship and trust you all enough that you will not buy us cheap and shitty gifts from shops whose names end in ‘R US’ or ‘A-RAMA’, that this is our special day and we choose to share it with you even if we think your partner is a bit dodgy and we are betting your relationship won’t see Christmas and that we wish for you to be a part of our lives when we are married”.

James Boag’s Premium Lager is a local version, clean and crisp, easy drinking without being bland – interesting enough to be enjoyable to those with a bit of beer nous but not too ‘boutique’ to make the semi-bogans wish they’d smuggled in some VBs under the corduroy sports jacket that they consider falls well within the definition of ‘Lounge Suit’. It says pretty much exactly the same as what the Beck’s says, but says ‘mate’ at the end.

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

The search is over but the journey begins

For those new to this blog, or those who only read the bits that have boobies in them, here is an update on my quest for the holy ale.

Okay, it’s not really a quest as such and it’s not really the holy ale but it has been something of a journey for me over the last year. It is really just another beer but to me it represents so much more. It is a craft beer from a US brewery that was one who helped to lead the way for the craft beer scene back in the 80’s. You remember the 80’s? Leg warmers, real pro wrestling and electronic pop music?

The beer is Sierra Nevada Pale Ale and it first ‘batched’ on November 15 1980. The fact that this beer has a birthday is significant – like pilsner which was ‘born’ on October 5 1842 – pretty cool to know when the beer was first poured. For me it’s a nice feeling to know a bit about the origins of a beer and certainly to know that it was crafted and not just pumped in and spat out of a lab by a computer. I don’t trust computers and I certainly don’t trust computers that don’t drink beer.

Like many craft brewers, Sierra Nevada began as a homebrewing operation which outgrew the kitchen, then the shed and then became a brewery with second hand and recycled equipment. Sticking to traditional and natural processes and committed to using only quality ingredients, the small brewery became a bigger one and a bigger one again until it just kind of morphed into something of an empire with restaurant and a 350 live music beer hall with all the bells, whistles and fine beers. To pop all that into print in just under a paragraph makes it sound like an overnight success, and this piece cannot do justice to the passion for real craft beer that Ken Grossman and his team have shown in building the business without sacrificing the beer.

My interest in the SN Pale Ale stems from reading about and speaking to craft brewers in Australia and finding that, for many of them, this beer was their “Sgt Peppers” or their “Nevermind The Bollocks” albums (remember albums?) the thing that made them stop in their tracks and rethink what beer could be. For some it was the inspiration to take their own home brewing to the next level, for others it was a kind of benchmark for the beers that they would brew. Remember Little Creatures first entrance into the market – all of a sudden the game had changed and hops were not just something that Granny stuffed a pillow with to ward off nightmares. Beer could now rise to new heights and be enjoyed more with food and your tongue could be made to dance and your senses could be enhanced by the addition of hops to beer!! Amazing!!

So, I had to try this beer and, for years I was consigned to thinking that I would need to mortgage the house and sell at least one of the girls to afford the trip across the waves in order to find the source of this beery inspiration. And the more I couldn’t get it, the more I wanted it, of course. And the more I wanted it, the more worried I could become that when I did get it, it would disappoint. And that would have been a lose/lose situation and that’s just not a beer kind of thing. Or a Beer Bloke kind of thing.

Jump ahead to a month or so back and I found a supply. It was on the stock list at Cloudwine Cellars and in the fridge at The Local Taphouse and my journey was nearing a conclusion. That in itself was a bit disappointing. But not for long, as I got out to Cloudwine a day too late and missed out. I was out at the Taphouse the following week with some so-called friends who were well aware of my fruitless search thus far. We had been at an Ale Stars meeting and had just polished off several samples of German and Viennese celebration beers – Festbiers and Oktoberfest Wheats and a Rauchbier –so the palate had been well and truly sensitized to strong rich beers. I decided the SNPA would need to wait for another day as I didn’t feel the occasion or my tastebuds could do it real justice. No, I had to have it as a ‘first up’ not as a chaser.

So these bastards buy one and sit down in front of me, knowing that I now won’t touch it. You very, very bastards! How very dare you. I stayed strong and picked the glass up every minute or so just to take in the colour and the aroma. Seems a little weird looking back, to have been seen sitting at a bar sniffing another blokes’ beer. That’s why we don’t bring our wives to the pub.

Anyway, last week I finally snaffled the last two bottles from Cloudwine – thanks, Chris – and they have spent the last few days chilling in the fridge before their upgrade to the Beer Crisper. I’m on call for the local State Emergency Service this week so it will need to wait another few days yet. But we’ve come this far and I reckon we can sit out another week.

I’ve heard about it, I’ve read about it and researched it, I’ve seen it, I’ve smelled it and now I have held it ....

Won’t it be a bummer if I don’t like it?

But I will.

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

A Very Nice Break

I like a beer. You’re probably the same, yourself. It may even be the reason you visit this blog. Well, admit it, it’s the beer AND the boobies, isn’t it?

I look forward to a beer at the end of the day – lunch time if it’s a weekend – and some occasions bring greater anticipation than others. The occasion, for me, is as much a part of the ‘beer experience’ as the style or standard of the beer itself. The occasion can lift a good beer into the realms of ‘the special’ and a really good beer can take on mystical proportions when the galaxies align, the atmosphere is right and the company is loyal and loved.

One of those special occasions is holidays. When you are the nominal head of a family of girls, this can be a daunting task. Not just for the logistics of booking the accommodation and the flights and the car to the airport and the hire car at the other end and the car seats for the little ones ... because Mrs Pilsner pretty much organises all that guff. No, it’s daunting because it’s difficult to think of activities to do that will excite and amuse me and not bore the socks of four girls aged three to for... older than thirty. Thirty-nine..ish. And a bit.

You don’t really get asked if you would like to go a sporting event while on holidays when you are the only boy in the crew. You don’t get offers like “We’re off to the craft fair-and-girly-knitting-things festival, why don’t we drop you off at a nice pub and we’ll pick you up on the way back?” Rather you get “Stop drinking beers, we need you to take us to the shops because we need new holiday sandals and then we’re all off to the petting zoo and after that we’ll all have some nice jam and scones at a quaint tea rooms and don’t even think about sneaking those beers into the bag because I need the space for wildflower picking!!” Well, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea.

I look forward to holidays because the beer is enjoyed in a more relaxed frame of mind. No work the next day, both parents available for care-giving duties, nowhere we have to be the next day – that sort of relaxed. The added bonus is, in a place like Tasmania, I get to drink beers that I would not otherwise have ready access to, if at all. The bonus-bonus is that in Tasmania I have three brewing operations that I can visit while I’m there. And I did. And I will tell you about my adventures in each of them in future posts.

My point for now is this; enjoy the beer you have right now and consider the occasion in which you find yourself enjoying it. While I’m not saying that an ordinary or even below average beer will taste BETTER under the right circumstances, I am suggesting that a good beer will go down even better. Have a beer and let me know what you think.

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

“I only drink Carlton Draught”

That was the first thing he said to me as the group settled themselves in for dinner. Saturday night, 7.30 booking, work group out for their Christmas get together, I only drink Carlton Draught. Just another shift in any other restaurant in Melbourne.

A funny bloke, we got off to a flyer when I had his beer in front of him before he had finished his ‘warning’ and this theme continued throughout the night. I was running the restaurant and just popping out to the back room the group had to themselves as often as I could, as a couple of other boys on the table had decided to try a few ‘different’ beers.

With each beer order these guys made I gave them a story or an interesting fact about the brewer or the history of the style and before long they were flagging me down for another ‘beer fact’ or to settle an argument or a question they had. Remember, these guys were a bunch of ‘tradies’ and their partners who had never really been exposed to beer other than mainstream golden lagers from the big brewers. As the night continued one of the girls joined in with a few beers and the others were beginning to ask questions and get into the spirit of the whole beer thing.

And throughout all of this, Mr Carlton Draught stuck true to his brand – although he did start showing just a hint of interest in what the boys down the other end of the table were getting into. A few well chosen jabs at his mates just to keep them honest as much as too assert his position as the ‘Beer Loyalist’. His mates went from Kingfisher to Leffe Blond and into Budvar all in matching badged glassware while he stuck to the Draught with a passion and a couple of wise cracks at his ‘boutique poofter mates’.

And then it happened. Slowly but surely his interest turned into .. whatever comes just after interest... advanced interest, maybe. His glare turned into a gaze and his quips turned into questions. “What’s this one?” he asked as the boys were poured a Shlenkerla Rauchbier. “Looks a bit darker than that last one.” This comment was made with the deft observation of a seasoned expert. That is to say, a seasoned expert capable of spotting the difference between a smoky Smoke Marzen beer and a crystal clear Czech pilsner. To be fair, he HAD started enjoying the fact that his Carlton Draught was being drunk from a nice glass.

One of the boys passed the stylish stein down to CD and he summoned up the courage to bring it to his nose for a sniff. “That’s different,” he says as if this is the sort of thing he does every day of the week. “Go on, mate, ‘ave a sip”, says his mate. With his mates’ eyes burning into his scone, he cautiously raises the glass to his gob. Expecting the worst I took a step back. He sips, smacks his lips and pauses thoughtfully as he looks up.

“That’s not bad”. That’s amazing. Not only did he not hate it, but he actually liked it! OK, so it’s no miracle on 42nd St kind of moment, but it’s significant. What’s even more amazing is that after another round (he wandered back to Carlton Draught for his next) he even decided that when the boys went for the ‘big finish’, he’d join them, regardless of what I chose for them. So Kwak it was, in its distinctive wooden stand – complete with history lesson – and while it didn’t move him like the smoke beer had, again he didn’t hate it. Another small win for the Beer Bloke.

He may not go out tomorrow and start filling his beer fridge with imported specialty beers or local craft beers but maybe, just maybe, he will tell some of his mates down at the footy club about how he discovered that the beer world doesn’t begin and end with Carlton Draught afterall. And that’s a win for all of us.

Cheers,
Prof Pilsner

Barons Squadron

Further to my post about the Save The Males campaign being run by the very nice beer people at Baron’s Brewing Company, I have been asked (by the same very nice beer people) to help them out in spreading the word about their very nice beer club, the Barons Squadron.

As I am already signed up, I thought it only proper to agree to such a nice beer request. As they have very kindly offered to give me some of their very nice beer, I agreed even quicker than I normally would have. Thanks, Alison!

Most breweries have a ‘club’ or some other form of ‘sign up’ deal and good on them for that. Sadly, with many, the deal includes little more than a regular newsletter that looks as if it could have been generated in Microsoft Publisher by a marketing-degree-holding laptop jockey who doesn’t even know the company has a brewing division. All flash and no dash. Others seem to forget about you after two or three editions.

The Barons Squadron is a little like the Barons' crew themselves. It’s about the beer, but it’s more than just beer. I have a series on craft brewers in the works and have already assembled posts on about six Australian brewers who are doing the right thing by the beer drinker and I will go into more detail on Baron’s set up later. For now you just need know that from a crew of two blokes and a single beer not too long ago, the business has grown and prospered without losing sight of the principles that got them this far and without becoming all ‘corporate’ and ‘big’.

The Squadron is more than just a data base for the marketing of their gear, too. It is not only informative but a good fun read as well - and sent regularly. Its special offers are a little different to those you may have come across and range from tours and dinners and the usual sort of things through to a chance to put your own stamp on the beer world with the opportunity to join in with beer development groups. Of course, competitions are held regularly for members only so that your loyalty is rewarded as well as your beer drinking bits. You know what I mean.

I will paste a link onto my screen, and hopefully you will be able to see it and then you can join up. Then I won’t feel so bad about being offered free beer. Perhaps I should remain completely independent and politely decline the very nice offer of some very nice beer? No, that would just be rude.

Oh, and for all my friends and pals and old chums across in the Lands Of Real Ale And Bitter and Ordinary Cricket Teams, I have a post coming up about the Barons invasion of the Great British Beer Festival coming up, so you don’t feel left out. And while you may not be able to stroll across for a beer dinner or a brewery tour, sign up for the Squadron anyway and tell ‘em the Beer Blokes sent ya!

If you can find the time to sign up now, you should be in time for the next newsletter which I am assured is a cracker.

... and seriously, you have to check out the Save the Males video. Funny stuff.

Join up http://www.baronsbrewing.com/ here. Not right here, back there a bit where the writing is all coloured in. That's it.

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

How have you been?

In case you’ve been wondering what’s been happening around the Beer Blokes place over the last few weeks, here’s a quick summary.

Began the month with a quick trip down to Tasmania with the family and had the bestest time ever and visited three breweries and drank some very nice beer thank you very much and I am in the process of writing a bit about all of them and I will post them all soon and the kids had a ball and we fed the kookaburras every day and saw lots of interesting things and then came back to a two day course and a fully booked function the first night back at the restaurant and a full restaurant the other night and then the next week the restaurant appeared on national TV and then the phone started running off the hook with regulars wishing us well and new comers wanting to make bookings and every night we had to chat to everyone about how we went and how did it work and what was he celebrity chef like and did you think you would win and then each kid seemed to have a friend’s birthday party or school function or kinder commitment then another training course and then I looked at the calendar and our next free night was in the middle of next month and we are preparing for some nasty storm activity across the state and I get called into the Emergency Communications Centre to assist the media department at the same time that the pager starts beeping its head off and then two more meetings and ....

That’s about it, I think.

I will try this week to get back on top of the posts and catch up on my blog reading. I might even crack a nice beer and relax.

Oh, and we did in fact win the Chopping Block and business has doubled in the last two weeks. Should be an interesting few weeks coming up. Better make that two nice beers.

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner