The Eyes have it

What do beer and eyes have in common? Well, apart from the fact that you need eyes to be able to fully appreciate the colour and the look of the beer, and the fact that eyes are reasonably handy in finding your way to the pub, it seems there is more to it than you might think.

A study released this week shows a strong possible link between drinking beer and going blind. It used to be just about GETTING blind. Apparently men who drink four or more beers a day have six times the chance of going blind from macular degeneration than other drinkers and teetotallers.

The study involved 6700 people – I don’t know much about science so I don’t know if this is a good size for a study that might scare the shite out of beer drinkers – and featured people aged between 58 and 69 years (aren’t they a fair chance of going blind anyway?). The researchers also stated that they didn’t want to base a general health alert on one study. Probably should have just kept the results to yourselves until you were sure, eggheads.

I thought I’d better counter balance this with a study that might make beer drinkers feel that they can do something to prevent the effects predicted by the ‘evil study’. So here’s the ‘good study’. It comes from a few years back but I can’t see any reason that it would not be just as relevant. Dr Karen Wetherby conducted a survey of 200 blokes in Germany and found that staring at women’s breasts is actually healthy for you and just a ten minute perve is the equivalent of a 30 minute aerobic workout. A concentrated gaze resulted in lower blood pressure, less heart disease and a slower pulse rate compared to those who didn’t get a daily eyeful. Hmm.

“Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There is no question that gazing at breasts makes men healthier” said Dr Wetherby who went on to claim – and who am I to doubt her – “our study indicates that engaging in this activity just a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half”. IN HALF!! If women had FOUR, maybe we’d become immortal!!

The study concluded that .. “by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life expectancy by five years”.

All in all, that’s a nice set of figures.

Cheers,
Prof. Pilsner

Here is a simple self test below. Check your pulse rate before and after. Let me know how you go. And ladies, the study didn’t say anything about the effect of staring at man-boobs on your health. Sorry. Oh and by the way, Dr Karen Wetherby appears quite a bit in searches for ‘urban legends’ – but don’t let that rain on your parade.