Saturday, July 19, 2008

Can Crusher Canned

Flicking through some on-line beer news articles I happened across this funny one from October last year. As those of you who have followed this carp for any length of time will know, I find humour in nearly anything beer related. That and boobies. Combine the two and I am in beery-boobie heaven.

This piece appeared in a Western Australian newspaper. For those outside the wide brown land of Australia, the large state which takes up the western coast of the country is something of an oddity to the rest of us. Even the Tasmanians. WA is close enough to the rest of the country to be considered a part of us, but far enough away to have their own kind of accent, a lot of English and South African immigrants and nearly all the bent politicians, drug lords and social refugees.

PERTH, Australia (AFP) - An Australian barmaid who entertained patrons by crushing beer cans between her bare breasts and hanging spoons off her nipples has been fined, police said Wednesday.Luana De Faveri, 31, was fined 1,000 dollars (900 US dollars) in the Mandurah Magistrates Court in Western Australia after pleading guilty to two breaches of the Liquor Control Act.

Don’t know about you, but the first two things that catch my attention – no, the other two things – are the barmaids’ name (like the sort of name that chicks who were born blokes call themselves while they are dancing and saving up for the op) and that she was prosecuted under the Liquor Control Act. Two breaches of the Act. What, separate charges for the left one and the right one!? And anyway, surely crushing cans with your cans shows sensational control over liquor!

Another barmaid who helped hang spoons on De Faveri's nipples, Tracey Leslie, 43, was fined 500 dollars while the bar manager was fined 1,000 dollars for failing to stop the pair, police said in a statement.

No, doesn’t specify which pair.

It also doesn’t elaborate on the actual section of the act that the girl’s actions contravened. Maybe the pub didn’t have a live music license and the ‘assistant’ was deemed to be ‘playing the spoons’? If they were tampering with the beer I can understand the courts’ reaction. Maybe as the girls leaned over to give you your change they inadvertently dipped their jugs in your jugs? False advertising? “Our beer has no additives – except the barmaids’ McGits!”

Anyway, in this age of CLIMATE CHANGE and GLOBAL WARMING (Wooooo-ooooooooh!!! We’re all going to DIEEE!!!!!!!) we should not be discouraging any forms of recycling.

Prof. Pilsner

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